Mafalda Rakos, I WANT TO DISAPPEAR, 2017

Worldwide, up to 70 million individuals suffer from Anorexia, Bulimia or Binge Eating; affected persons are of all genders, appearances and ages. Research confirms that young women and girls in industrialized nations are at the highest risk to be affected. One out of ten, so the current hypothesis, will experience an eating disorder at least once in their lifetime. Nevertheless, the sources and effects of this illness are still highly stigmatized, discreeted and excluded from societal discourse. In I want to disappear, 20 young women intimately share their testimonies with the viewer. What does it feel like to be affected? How is this conflict linked to one’s own (sexual) identiy, and why does controlling one’s body help someone to feel “better”, even just for a short time? Altogether they provide a surprising and confrontative insight into the personal conflicts, ruptures and insecurities which lie at the root of this disease. Very soon, a new perspective is revealed: eating disorders are never a sign of weakness. And one is by no means alone with it.